Perhaps the only thing more upsetting than a 50-degree drop in temperature over a 24-hour period is the notion that these bat-sh*t ridiculous weather patterns will soon come to an end.

It’s easy to feel that the future can’t come fast enough, that these days of April blizzards couldn’t be done with soon enough. But heed my warning, students — the end of the year is going to come far faster than any of us want it to.

May is fast approaching, and that means the year at Syracuse University is coming to a close. For some students, this means a several month hiatus; for us older bones, it means saying goodbye to undergraduate life forever.

But one thing underclassmen and soon-to-be graduates can all identify with is the terror of finding work for the summer — or for life. A wise woman once told me that the internship/job search has really become akin to the unwaveringly awkward process of dating.

While at first I thought this was just a witty throwaway comment, after giving it some thought I realized this could not be truer.

The prep work for the two events is very similar. And by prep work, I mean changing into multiple outfits and staring anxiously into the mirror. Is this outfit too slutty? Or, even worse — is this outfit not slutty enough? I want my look to say I’m hardworking to a fault, intelligent and compulsively good with grammar — but in the hottest way possible.

Though you won’t express it outwardly, there’s also an underlying hope that the opposite party is going to spend a whole lot of money on you. An aside to female readers who often feign that they’re going to pick up the check at the end of the date — it’s cute, but let’s call a spade a spade.

For a date, this could mean a big fancy dinner with wine or champagne. For a job interview, this could mean being put up in a swanky hotel. Kudos if that last part applies to the end of your first dates as well. You’ve got game. Or you are a prostitute.

I think the most parallel element between the two events, though, is the progression of expectations.

On a first date, for the first few minutes you spend your time bracing yourself for the worst. The chances of us going anywhere seem slim to none, but maybe the food will be nice. Maybe we will exchange numbers and never call each other again, but at least it won’t be awkward.

But then, something happens — some awesome eye contact or a perfectly catered joke, and bam, despite yourself, you begin expecting sex.

It’s the same with any job interview. You don’t want to be hopeful. You don’t want to get your heart shattered after building a false assumption that you’ve got it in the bag. But at some point, your interviewer expresses just how impressed they are with you and you can’t help but start building yourself up.

It only gets worse. It’s the slow crescendo from “maybe I actually have a shot at this position” to “if they don’t hire me, I have just cause to burn this whole place down.”

Which is not altogether unlike the progression from, “I think I at least have a shot at a kiss goodnight” to “if this guy doesn’t put out for at least 10 minutes I am going to key his car — and then burn this whole place down.”

The thing is, you just shouldn’t be burning any place down. Go into dates and interviews optimistic, but don’t feel like you’re entitled to that high-salary job, or that highly chiseled body lurking underneath the clothes of your dinner partner. What happens happens.

Just always be sure to come prepared with an updated resume and a non-expired pack of condoms and you should be ready to roll.

Chelsea DeBaise is a senior writing major. Despite the possible grey area between the two topics she discussed this week, she does not support sleeping with your interviewer to get a job. She can be reached via email at cedebais@syr.edu or on Twitter @CDeBaise124. 

Published on April 17, 2014 at 1:00 am