Joyce LaLonde’s mother was too busy living to think about dying.

Her mother, Kathy LaLonde, was diagnosed with breast cancer in 2000, but for 13 years, she fought it. Kathy worked full time, raised a family of three and gave endlessly to her community. She would occasionally have to stop in the hospital for treatments to fend off the cancer.

To Joyce and her family, it was just routine. Kathy was Superwoman. She was seen as indestructible.

But about three months into Joyce’s freshman year at Syracuse University, Kathy died of stage 4 metastatic breast cancer. It had aggressively returned in 2012 and spread to her bones and throughout her body. It wasn’t until after her mother died that Joyce learned how far the cancer had spread.

Now, a year after her mother’s death, Joyce is an active advocate for breast cancer awareness. On Sunday she took about 15 SU Orientation Leaders to her hometown of Albion, New York to walk in the Making Strides Against Breast Cancer awareness walk. The emotional day was full of reflection and brought back memories of her mom’s battle with cancer.

“I still talked to her every day like usual. Everyone could see that my mom was declining a lot, but my parents decided that it wasn’t bad enough for me to come home yet, so of course I respect that,” Joyce said. “A hospital bed was already moved down in the living room because she couldn’t move up the stairs. Apparently, everyone else thought I should be home.”

Joyce didn’t come home from college until a few days before her mom entered the hospital. She said that despite not knowing that her mother’s health was rapidly declining, she had no resentment that her family kept the severity from her. Her mom was her best friend, and she got to spend each day talking on the phone with her like things were normal.

“She was always five steps ahead of everyone else before anyone knew it,” Joyce said.

Kathy didn’t have a loud presence, but when she walked into a room, she commanded it in a quiet, respectful way. Joyce said sometimes people forgot to ask about her because she was too busy asking about them.

Joyce said her mother’s cancer had become a part of their family’s lives. The regular chemotherapy treatments, hospital visits and Kathy’s weakening condition were just obstacles they all had to get through.

“So when I had to wheel her around in the wheelchair, it was, ‘OK, that’s what we have to do today.’ But now looking back, I’m like, ‘That should have been a red flag, Joyce,’” Joyce said.

Joyce added that she and her father, Steven LaLonde, look at pictures now and ask themselves why they never saw how weak and fragile Kathy looked. But besides that, they reminisce on the good times, like when her parents went to SU for graduate school.

“Joyce’s mom is irreplaceable. She has a strong influence on all of our lives, and she would want for us to keep doing what we’re doing,” Steven said.

Although it’s hard now that she’s gone, Steven said Joyce has handled the loss of her mother extremely well. With the help of the SU community, Steven added, Joyce had a strong support system last year as a freshman and continues to have a strong support system whenever she needs it.

“Joyce is tough,” he said. “She’s a fighter. She soldiers on.”

An important part of Joyce’s fight is raising awareness for breast cancer. She does it through posts on social media and by raising money in Strides walks, like the one she completed on Sunday in memory of her mother and her friend, Meghan Mistry’s, mother. Meghan’s mother died of breast cancer last spring.

“It’s bringing breast cancer home to a lot of people. They’re there to support Joyce and I, and it’s amazing that we have people like that,” said Meghan, a sophomore broadcast and digital journalism and international relations major. “It’s amazing to even have Joyce. It’s almost healing.”

Meghan said she and Joyce have a special bond because of their mothers. Joyce was one of the only people who understood what Meghan was going through when her mother died, and now their goal is to be that resource for others.

The duo is now working to bring breast cancer awareness to the SU campus by putting up a big pink ribbon on the grass between Newhouse I and the Schine Student Center next year. They also are working with SU Athletics to have the football team wear pink during its games in October.

“You always encounter this barrier where people are like, ‘There’s so much awareness for breast cancer.’ Yeah, there is. You can walk into Wegmans and buy a pink ribbon,” Meghan said. “If there’s so much awareness, why are people still fighting (cancer)? Every little bit can fund for a cure.”

And even a year later, Joyce knows exactly how many days it’s been since she lost her best friend.

She does everything she can to keep the memory of her mother alive. She still keeps her hair long because her mother told her to never cut it. The last days she spent with her mom are ones that she said she’ll never forget.

Said Joyce: “I told her how she was my best friend and that I didn’t know what I would do without her, but I would figure it out and that it’s OK — she’s going to heaven now, and she did.”

Published on October 29, 2014 at 12:01 am

Contact Jackie: jmfrere@syr.edu | @jackie_frere