I sit here in front of my television screen on this Tuesday morning with a mixture of nostalgia and regret. I am unsure if I am ready for the challenge that awaits. I fear the worst.

It is Tuesday morning and I am about to watch “High School Musical.”

It’s been too long (the movie came out in 2006), and I think it’s appropriate to revisit a movie that changed all our lives unequivocally for the better. It would probably be more appropriate to celebrate this achievement in film 10 years after the release, but I came up with the idea already so oh well.

Is this the best way to spend a summer Tuesday? Probably not, but neither is golf. I will be recording my observations below in the form of a running diary. I’ll type the words “Jon Snow” if I need to be sent for help.

So join me, won’t you? because after all, aren’t we all in this together?

11:11 a.m.: We start on New Year’s Eve, when Zach Efron is playing basketball in a makeshift basketball court that is actually a dance hall with his coach/dad. I’M ALL IN.

11:12 a.m: Zach (Troy Bolton) and Vanessa Hudgens (Gabriella Montez) are both called up at the same time at the young adults party for karaoke, no way!

Guys, guys, guys, they’re singing and they’re both AMAZING. This really looks like the “Start of Something New!”

11:17 a.m.: They take pictures on each other’s flip phones! The most 2006 thing I’ve ever seen. All we need is J-Kwon to come out and sing “Tipsy-Radio Edit.”

11:20 a.m.: Corbin Bleu’s hair is reminiscent of Carlos Valderrama from Backyard Soccer. For the three people that get this, I love you.

11:22 a.m.: Whoa, whoa, whoa, Gabriella transferred to TROY’S SCHOOL. These coincidences are unreal. Life has a funny way of working out doesn’t it? Also, the school is in Albuquerque, New Mexico. I’ll give Reddit 24 hours to link the “Breaking Bad” universe to this movie.

11:23 a.m.: Ashley Tisdale is a fun lead b*tch, like a poor man’s Regina George, but the name Sharpay is just too great. It’s like how a WASP-y grandmother would pronounce the word Sharpie.

11:25 a.m.: Troy in his natural environment on the basketball court. Hold on, this is the most unorganized basketball practice I’ve ever seen. Dribble dancing, running three-man weaves while dancing, and there’s no coach. No one has his head in the game, contrary to the song title. Also I think like half these guys are 28.

11:35 a.m.: Troy is sneaking around, but where to? The suspense is killing me! It’s definitely not basketball practice, he LOVES basketball; he would never keep that a secret

11:42 a.m.: I love how Sharpay’s brother is dressed as the fifth member of the Village People all the time.

11:43 a.m.: BEDAZZLED MICROPHONES.

11:45 a.m.: The auditions are long, long over? They ended 30 seconds ago Ms. Over-Acting Drama Teacher. Let Troy and Gabriella sing you monster.

11:47 a.m.: After hours singing! Troy, Gabriella and pianist/”the quirky one” Kelsi are making a big three better than the Miami Heat. And they’re all LeBron.

WOAH WAIT THE DRAMA TEACHER WAS WATCHING THE WHOLE TIME.

11:49 a.m.: Ryan and Sharpay think they’re getting Punk’d after seeing Troy and Gabriella’s names on the callback sheet. Ryan says “Maybe we’ll get to meet Ashton!” Easily the line of the movie so far. This really is 2006.

11:53 a.m.: The basketball player bakes, wait that’s awesome! Who doesn’t like crème brûlée? And now apparently Gabriella has a fear of people staring at her? Is that what hot girls have? Should I stop trying to intimidate women with my beautiful eyes?

11:57 a.m.: Zeke just asked Sharpay to watch him play basketball and she said, “Evaporate tall person” … TRAP HORNS EVERYWHERE

12:05 p.m.: This conversation between Troy and his dad is intense. Oh man, his dad was like, “You’re a playmaker, not a singer,” and then Troy was like, “Nah bruh I’m more than basketball,” and it was so crazy. #TeamTroy

12:09 p.m.: A intervention for Troy from the basketball team! A Troy-tervention! They need their captain so badly, they can’t afford him to pursue his passions, because why would friends support each other? They even used his dad’s playing career as an emotional appeal. Is this what the DeAndre Jordan recruitment was like?

12:11 p.m.: The basketball team and math team are on some next level stuff right here. They got Troy all excited for the game and got him to admit he doesn’t care about Gabriella, and then his boys caught it on a webcam (a webcam!) and hooked it up to a laptop that looks like a briefcase because it’s 2006! Then they put the feed through to Gabriella! High school, right?

12:14 p.m.: Gabriella-feeling-crushed-about-Troy ballad, her Sandy from Grease “Hopelessly Devoted” moment. She curls up next to a 10-foot poster of Troy. This school takes basketball way too seriously.

12:16 p.m.: Troy-grunting-and-missing-baskets. GIF

12:20 p.m.: Troy apologizing to Gabriella’s mother in person, dude’s a legend. #TeamTroy forever.

12:25 p.m.: Sharpay and Ryan got the crazy drama teacher to reschedule callbacks to coincide with the basketball game and scholastic decathlon! Kelsi is heartbroken. She can’t go back to being Sharpay’s b*tch.

12:31 p.m.: In the callback audition, Ryan and Sharpay perform an uncomfortable audition that makes me feel like they’ve shared a bath together before.

12:32 p.m.: The basketball game and decathlon are all going on at the same time. This is so much to process!

12:33 p.m.: The high school math team just shut off the lights in the gym so they can sing AND the team can play basketball. No high school kids could get away with this. Call the authorities.

12:36 p.m.: Apparently Gabriella can’t sing the big finale unless she is staring at Troy the entire time during the song in the creepiest nervous tick I’ve ever seen. But damn, they’re crushing this duet.

12:40 p.m.: TROY KISSED HER ON THE CHEEK BECAUSE DISNEY MOVIE.

12:43 p.m.: Andddd the finale. Everyone dancing in the gym in a choreographed routine that I guess they all learn when they get to high school? Funny how much the basketball players like dancing after they hated it for essentially the entire movie.

12:47 p.m.: MARVEL POST CREDIT SCENE: Sharpay tackles Zeke because the cookies are the best thing she’s ever tasted, but I still don’t think she likes him. No sign of Nick Fury.

Danny Cuneo is a senior television, radio and film major. He has never tried Troy Bolton’s Bieber haircut, he swears. He can be reached at dacuneo@syr.edu.

Published on July 29, 2015 at 9:40 am