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Universities are a place to learn about both academics and yourself. Syracuse University has a lot of work to do to get to a point where students are able to learn and grow in both areas. 

My first month here, I was unapologetically myself. I wore whatever I wanted, and I did what I wanted to do. But due to the issue of hypermasculinity on this campus, that changed. That, and the COVID-19 pandemic forced me to return home. But at the same time, the scariest part was returning home, to Bangladesh. 

The realization came to me as I was removing my nail polish, something a man can never wear in my culture. I have to go back in the closet or risk being imprisoned for life or, worse, lynched. No exaggeration here! This is the reality of many nations where homosexuality is unacceptable and draconian laws put us at even more of a risk. 

When the pandemic peaked in March 2020, I kept thinking of how I needed to go home and change everything about myself once again. Even when I flew home to the Middle East, I had to consider dressing more conservatively.  I left most of my clothes and accessories, only taking what would be considered “modest” in my culture. I began suppressing my sexuality, something I didn’t think I would have to do again. It affects my mental health to this day, and I’m eager to return and live without a weight on my chest.

SU’s student body includes students from different parts of the world who are adjusting to a new culture in a new nation. For some of us who cannot identify as LGBTQ at home, coming to SU is supposed to be a safe haven. I came here to get away from my country and its draconian laws toward marginalized groups. But like many, I did not have the economic privilege to stay in the U.S. or at SU during the pandemic. 

When sending back students, SU must realize what they are forcing their students to return to: hiding their true self and true identity from themselves and those around them. It does not just apply to students like myself; it can apply to students who grew up in abusive households or have bitter relationships with their families and their community.

I am definitely not the only person who had to “go back in the closet” due to this lockdown. It leads to depression, anxiety and even suicidal thoughts. It causes us to feel as though we are being retrapped into a cage we were once set free from. 

Colleges need to better support their LGBTQ communities during this pandemic, especially their international students. If they don’t, they may be implicitly putting us at the risk of execution and torture wherever we call home. It’s a problem that all colleges, including SU, need to recognize and address.

The lives and safety of LGBTQ students should not be treated as any less valuable. Especially during this pandemic, we need SU to reassure us that it doesn’t think otherwise.

Sourov Rayhan is a sophomore English major. Their column appears biweekly. He can be reached at srayhan@syr.edu.

Published on March 28, 2021 at 10:07 pm