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Uh oh. It’s that dreaded time of year. That time where you kind of regret not going to any lectures or doing any of the readings. It’s the time of year where you wish you could go back in time and stop your past self from registering for a class called “Introduction to Medieval Social Movements.” If you’re freaking out over finals week, don’t worry, you’ve accidentally clicked on the right article. Here is your guide to making it through finals week without crying.

Before we start, I’ve been told I don’t necessarily give the best advice. Actually, I’ve been told many times that my advice is quote-unquote bad. Reader’s discretion is advised.

My first piece of advice for conquering finals week is sleep. A good night’s sleep is a major game changer. Having trouble sleeping? Ask one of your guy friends to explain NFTs to you. Nothing will put you to sleep faster than his terrible explanation that a cartoon drawing of a cat doing a kickflip is actually worth millions of dollars.

Fueling your body with proper nutrition is just as important as sleep! Don’t let finals stop you from eating three square meals a day and drinking enough water. And by “meals,” I mean the last couple bites of your roommate’s three-day-old Panda Express. Oh, and by “water,” I mean a couple sips of an overpriced venti Starbucks iced coffee.

Studying with friends is always a great way to be productive and have fun! But if you’re anything like me, you don’t have any friends, and therefore you have no one to study with. Don’t worry, I have a foolproof method that will get anyone to study with you.

Make a group chat with everyone in your class and claim you have the answers to the final exam. Explain to the chat that the only way you’ll give them the answers is if they spend a whole day hanging out with you. Have the best day ever with your new best friends, and then at the end of the day, reveal that you never had the answers in the first place! I promise they won’t get mad and spit at you.

If you start to feel like finals are overwhelming you, go on a short walk! Studies have shown that moderate amounts of exercise can reduce levels of the body’s stress hormones and improve an individual’s overall mood. Did I say short walk? I meant an eight-mile hike. And why not plan it out so that your eight-mile hike is during your Introduction to Statistics final? Sorry, professor, I actually didn’t receive your email about missing the final. I was deep in the Adirondacks trying to figure out how bear mace works.

Baths can be super relaxing! Unfortunately, if you’re a college student like myself, you may not have a bath. Instead, sit on the disgusting floor of your communal dorm shower and rock back and forth until someone forces the RA to come in and check on you. Now you’ll have to explain to your poor RA why you thought it would relax you to sit bare butt on the shower floor.

Finals week is a tough time for everyone, so let this article inspire you to treat others with kindness this week. Hold the door for someone. Compliment a stranger. Before you steal that girl’s Starbucks mobile order, consider leaving a note that says, “Sorry, Emily!” with a sad face at the bottom.

Published on May 2, 2022 at 9:26 pm