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ChatGPT. It’s like your know-it-all cousin who can’t wait to talk about how he went to Harvard procreated with an emotionless robot.

For the last couple of months, ChatGPT has been in the headlines, causing concern for those who believe their high paying jobs may one day be replaced by AI technology. Some of the highest ranking individuals in society — lawyers, doctors and social media managers — are in danger of being replaced by artificial intelligence.

But let’s be real, lawyers and doctors have always been sort of replaceable. Humor columnists, on the other hand, bear the weight of having to be both funny and literate, a rare combination. I’m just saying, with enough practice I could probably perform brain surgery, but could a doctor write a column about avoiding ex-hookups on campus? Probably not.

I decided I was being a bit cocky. Maybe I was wrong, maybe I could be replaced by artificial intelligence. But I wasn’t just gonna lay down and accept that I was inferior to a bunch of zeros and ones. First, I wanted to test my theory out. So, me and Mr. ChatGPT went head to head in what some are calling the humor column olympics. I gave ChatGPT the prompt below. Then I wrote my own version. I’ll let you be the judge of whether humor columnists are in danger of being replaced by AI.

ChatGPT, write a short humor column about how hard it is to get a dinner reservation during graduation weekend:

“Ah, graduation weekend. A time of celebration, joy, and utter chaos when it comes to making restaurant reservations. If you’re a local, you know the struggle. And if you’re a visiting family member, prepare to be shocked and possibly traumatized by the experience.
Trying to get a reservation during graduation weekend is like trying to find a needle in a haystack. And not just any needle, but a diamond-encrusted, solid gold needle that’s been lost in a pile of hay for 50 years. It’s practically impossible.
You call every restaurant in town, only to be met with a busy signal or a snooty hostess who tells you that they’ve been fully booked for months. You resort to begging, pleading, and maybe even offering bribes (I hear some places will accept first-born children as payment). But nothing works.”

Here’s my interpretation of the prompt:

You’ve been dreading this moment for the last four years. You’ve heard horror stories about how difficult it is, but now, at this moment, you know it’s not difficult — it’s impossible.
No matter how prepared you think you are, finding a dinner reservation for graduation weekend will break you down until you are a shell of the man you once were. Not only do you have to find a place that has open reservations, but you also have to consider your family’s weird eating preferences. Your mom is on keto, your dad can’t eat Mexican after what happened last time and your sister is suddenly vegan now?
Even after you call every vegan non-Mexican restaurant in the tri-state area, you still won’t have a set reservation. One place said they can squeeze your family in for a late 11:30 dinner, but just so you know the restaurant is converted into a club at 11:45. Another place said that they’ve been completely booked since last year and that you could “go f*ck yourself.” The third place just laughed and hung up.

I’m not going to lie, ChatGPT gave me a run for my money. Or maybe I’m just saying that so when the robots take over, they consider sparing me.

Published on April 19, 2023 at 10:37 pm