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Like most 19-year-old women, one of my favorite times of year is fall. I love the leaves, the pumpkins and peeking in the shower before I pee because I’m now paranoid from all of the horror movies I’ve been watching. (I mean, it’s not completely impossible for a serial killer to be hiding in the shower.)

So, in excitement for fall, a few of my girls and I decided to go on a Fun Fall Day Trip^TM! Our first stop was a haunted hayride. The ride was fun at first, but at the first jumpscare, I absolutely lost my mind and threw myself off the wagon “Lady Bird” style. Everyone was refused a refund and I got booed until I left the haunted hayride.

We then drove to Spirit Halloween, where we all decided to look for costumes. I love Spirit Halloween. My first friend chose a sexy pirate costume, my second friend chose a sexy maid costume, my third friend chose to be a sexy fisherman and I chose to wear a giant felt taco costume to cover up my bruises from when I fell off the hayride.

One of my friends suggested going to the farmer’s market. Once there, I found a candle that smelled like apple cinnamon and sandalwood and decided I must have it. I then haggled with the seventy-eight-year-old woman who was selling it for about 15 minutes. I lied and told her I was buying it for my grandmother, which works! I got her to lower the price by two dollars. Just call me Mark Cuban, am I right?

Next stop? The apple orchard! We got some apple cider, which was so hot it nearly burned the taste buds off. Then we decided to go into the corn maze. Within a minute, I lost my friends. As soon as I realized that I was lost, I screamed at the top of my lungs and just started running straight into the corn, taking down women and children in my path. My screaming scared a young child so badly that I got pepper sprayed by a mother. But I made it out of the maze, so I would say it was worth it.

After the corn maze fiasco, we all decided to go to the pumpkin patch. I complained about my tongue being burned for fifteen minutes before staring at a pumpkin that was a spitting image of David Schwimmer. After looking at the David Schwimmer pumpkin for twenty minutes, I realized that my friends had abandoned me. I go absolutely bananas, going on a tangent about “The Great Pumpkin” and “how he never brings me any presents.” I was subsequently arrested for “throwing pumpkings at bystanders,” or whatever.

Ah, the magic of Fall. Despite the injuries and the arrest, I’d say it was a pretty fun day!

Published on October 15, 2023 at 7:55 pm

Contact Sarah: sswells@syr.edu