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The first snow of the year was on Wednesday, the literal FIRST DAY OF NOVEMBER. Like most people, I woke up, rolled out of bed and woke my roommates up to inform them of this thrilling news. After they kicked me out of their rooms, I ran outside to taste the snowflakes, which weren’t nearly as delicious as you may think.

However, after the initial excitement of the first snow wore off, I quickly came to my senses and remembered what Syracuse winters are actually like. As someone who has lived in central New York their whole life, I am very familiar with the five months of torture that goes along with living in Syracuse during the winter season. It all starts off very optimistically, with whimsical snowflakes falling from the sky like angel dandruff.

Then, the more freezing cold walks in the snow you take, the more times your shoes get soggy, the more times your fingers turn purple because you forgot your gloves … the more you come to realize that winter isn’t as fun as you remembered it.

I dislike Syracuse winters more than joint couple TikTok accounts. One of the worst things? Slush. That terrible, terrible substance made of old snow and some sort of gremlin mucus. I hate slush. It’s so slippery and just looks disgusting, like a giant came by and blew a snot rocket onto the sidewalk. Plus, the sidewalks are never salted enough — there’s barely enough for a pretzel.

Naturally, I’m also a very hot person. And no, I don’t JUST mean my looks! (We have fun here.) I mean that I sweat a lot. A lot. What can I say, I’m just a naturally warm person! So this is unfortunate when I’m wearing a 20-pound jacket. I get warm, take my jacket off, and then my sweat freezes to my body like some sort of salty icicle.

I don’t know if you guys have noticed, but the days are EXTREMELY short during the winter months. It’s just a tiny bit disorienting to wake up to no sun at 8 a.m. and then have the sun already set by 5 p.m. I feel like I’m living in a vampire’s paradise. Every two weeks, I Google “Am I dying from a vitamin D deficiency?” before eating a whole bottle of vitamin gummies.

Now, I’m a clumsy person. Believe it or not, ice and being clumsy do not mix. The amount of times my butt has been SLAMMED against concrete due to walking just slightly too fast on the sidewalk is unmatched. I feel like I need to start wearing hockey padding on my way to class.

There’s nothing worse than the reactions you get when you fall. People either hold back laughs or ask “Are you okay?!” Like, I don’t need your sympathy. Let me just pick myself up and dust the snow off in my own pathetic peace.

I also happen to have very sensitive eyes that do not respond kindly to having freezing wind blasted into them. I’ll walk on campus with my head down because I don’t want people to think that I’m having some sort of emotional moment. Don’t worry, guys! I just have sensitive eyes. The light reflecting off of the brightness of the snow also makes this problem worse, and suddenly I’m the only person I know wearing sunglasses in January.

As you can see, I have a lot of problems with winter. But sledding makes up for all of them. I’m making a formal petition to bring back sledding in adulthood. DM me if you’re interested in joining the revolution.

Published on November 5, 2023 at 9:56 pm

Contact Sarah: sswells@syr.edu